A chance at something new-Vern

Two days of waiting and thinking seemed to have gone too slow. Jet to fast as there was so much he had to think of. His past game back to haunt him and now he somewhere seemed to see it as his mistake. The more he thought of it the worse he saw his leaving. Because it seemed his father had become worse. Like what he had feared but then… Would he not have changed the same if he had stayed? He was mad at himself for being so weak at the time. For being the one who run away from something he did not want to see. He began to think that he did not deserve to be called a prince. For what he had done was not prince like. It was something a scared little boy would do and maybe at that time he had not been more than that. But now… He blamed himself and started to question if anything would have been different if he had not left. Maybe he would have been able to pull his father out of it… He wouldn’t have had left his sister behind. Another dagger through his heart as he know realised he had left her alone with a growing monster… He tried to remind himself that he had just been a child and that the hit of losing his mother had come hard as well. After all he had been close to her. Closer then to his father. For his sister however it was the other way around, so maybe that was how she was able to pull through. But then he could not know how his sister was doing and he somewhere feared to see her again though longed to it. The fact stayed that he had been weak and stupid. Knew nothing of the world.

Now he could not say he was much better but he was no longer the scared boy he had been. He had been through a lot on his own. Had lost his life a few times almost and most of all had started from zero. What he believed made him strong. He had learned a lot and knew more about the world and its people. He had a wide view and not just what he had before. He knew he could not change the mistakes he had made in the past. If it had been mistakes as he felt it might have been necessary for him to do this. But realising that he could not change the past he now was more than ever motivated to do better in the future. He had no idea if he ever would be able to be forgiven, to be able to see his family again or even make it better. He had left thinking it was best he did not mean harm and he wasn’t sure if anyone would listen. He wasn’t even sure if it mattered anymore, as he did not know if he would see them again. But if it happened he would make sure to stand his ground and make sure that he tried his best to change the situation to what he wanted to happen. He would not run away again. But his family seemed so far and out of reach. He now had another goal first. One that was close and one he would be able to be here for. Well maybe.

As he watched the waves move up and down the sand he sat down. It was cold of course and as he had thought there was no one to be seen. But here he was waiting for his new goal. If she would come. It had taken a lot of him to not go check the tavern. To not check if she hadn’t run away. One because he did not want to scare her if she was still there. Two because he wanted to believe her words. Three because he did not want other people to see when he broke inside. Because he knew that if Alvina would not show up, something would break. Something that might not be able to be fixed. For he would know that people if they knew who he was thought he was his father and so they would never be able to trust him. Something that would be a nightmare for him. As he wanted the people to trust him. Wanted to be able to be himself with them without being judged too. Two he would not only have lost a connection to his past. But also a baby brother or sister. One he did want to take care off.

As time passed the nerves came up more and more. He did not dare to look around, as he would become to uneasy. After all they hadn’t exactly spoken of a time. Lucky the sound and the movements of the waves kept him calm to a certain level. Something he could concentrate on as he closed his eyes. Only to hear a sweet voice come to him not to long after. ”Hello Vern.” At the sound of that voice he relaxed and a soft smile came on his lips as his gaze moved to the beautiful Alvina. He slowly stood up as she stepped closer to him. He would never have thought he would ever be so happy to see someone he had just seen two days ago. But all his fears and doubts suddenly disappeared. "I came, like I said I would." He smiled a bit more not really being able to bring out another word. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about not coming… however I promised you a chance...and I want you to prove yourself true...I’ve realized." He looked into her eyes as she spoke so honestly. He was glad that she would say that. As he knew and once again realised that what he had asked of her was not that easy. Though it was not easy for him as well. "To prove to me that there are good men in this world, so here is your chance." He stared at her a bit more in silence. He so hoped he would be able to do so.

He took a breath and let it out. Before he rubbed the back of his head looking at the water. ”I was afraid you wouldn’t come.” If she would be honest then he would be as well. He looked back at her and mentioned her to sit down. ”But I’m glad you did!” He said with a bit of excitement as he went to sit down and then took a bag he had taken with him. Putting it on his lap and then looking at her. ”As promised, I took things with me.” He placed the bag next to him closer to her and mentioned to it. ”I didn’t exactly know what you would like so… I brought a bit of everything.” He had taken different kinds of dried meat with him, together with bread, cheese and even some vegetables. Of course also water, and even wood for when she would get cold. So then he would be able to make a fire. He rested one arm on his knee and looked at her smiling. He felt positive about this day. Today was a good day, as she already had come.

His eyes moved back to the waves and then he looked around. ”And as you wanted, no one is around. So we’re free to speak about anything you want.” he looked back at her and smiled again. Before he would teach her about the gods probably he wanted to know one more thing. An very important thing actually. ”How have you been?” He wasn’t exactly a master mind in pregnant women. But! He knew that some could get really sick and she head said she did get tired more quickly. So… well he wanted to make sure she was doing well. If not he would tell her they did not have to do it today, that they could do it another day. He would probably even ask her if she wanted to go see a healer. He would even pay for it if needed. After all even if he wanted to prove himself. He would do it even if he didn’t have to. Because he was truly worried. Not only for the child she was carrying, but for the person she was in a whole.

He could not be sure if the words she spoke were true. But she was here and that was what mattered most and she even went through the trouble herself to take some things with her. To keep them warm. He for a second thought they might have had similar thoughts. As it was winter and the wind here on the beach could get icy cold. Of course he didn’t want her getting sick. Being pregnant he was sure was hard enough as it was on its own. He also would probably not forgive her if she got sick. He didn’t care much of his own as he for one believed he had been through harder stuff then a silly cold. But of course he didn’t want to get sick either. He had a farm to look after and even though there were no plants to be taken care of the animals he had would not feed themselves. How easy his life would be if they did. His dogs probably would be able to catch some things for themselves. But the others… hmm he didn’t suspect that would end very well. His eyes were still cast on the waves but soon moved back to her. Examining her, her skin ad some kind of gleam to it. A happy one, but he did not believe it was because of him. Maybe it was just because of the child she was carrying. Even though the act of getting it was a dark one. He did somewhere find that she should call herself lucky that the gods had given her a child. There were many who didn’t even get that chance. But then as he thought about it he found himself frowning and looking away. Knowing that it was in its own way a horrible thought. She was not lucky… and he should never think of it that way. He took a breath and then slowly turned back to face her, a smile coming back on his lips as she spoke.

He was glad to hear that she was well, even though she tired a lot because of the baby. It was funny how such a little thing could take so much out of a woman. "They are always kicking though, so I will surely have an active child." Those words made his eyes travel down to her belly as he wondered how such kicking felt. He could not stop the smile from coming to his lips as somewhere he was happy to know that his sibling seemed to be full of life and he had to say he was quite curious to see if it would be a baby brother or sister. Either way it was quite exciting in a way and he could not help himself from being happy that he would get another family member. Even though it was not a child of his mother… The thought of his father raping this beautiful woman in front him made him quite sick too. He had thought that the loss of his mother had broken the great king and that he wouldn’t ever touch and other woman. That his father was still loyal to the woman he once loved. But seemed even that love had faded and it was quite a dark thought. Even so for now it was not his concern. "I worry about that and being in the tavern, but I just haven't saved enough to move into a house yet. So I'll have to make it work." He let out a thoughtful hum at those words. Indeed a tavern was not really the right place to raise a child.

"How are you? I am sure this is just as hard for you to deal with and take in as it is for me to be sitting here." He smiled and moved a hand to play with the cold and somewhat wet sand. He took a slow breath. ”I am well as well.” He said and a chuckle followed his words. He looked back at her and met her eyes. ”I have my farm to take care of, but as it’s winter there is less work, so I have a lot of free time as well.” What was good as he now could make time for her. He looked back at the water thinking. ”You know…” He followed and waited a bit before continuing, a bit hesitant with his words. ”If it does not work out at the tavern, you’re welcome to move in with me.” He looked at her and then blinked realising what he had said as he let out a ‘ah!’ before smiling and waving a hand. His words being a bit rushed now. ”I mean not with me me! Well with me, on my farm… in one of the barns or so? I could build it up so it’s comfortable like a house?” He rubbed the back of his head and smiled. Of course it was just an offer and he did not want to force her into anything. But it was an option at the very least. He took a breath and decided to change the subject. ]”Anyway, we’re not here to talk about that now. What do you know about our gods?” He would not keep her to long in this cold, and he didn’t want to bore her or tire her out. Especially not on a free day. So he wanted to know what she already knew so he could start with things she didn’t know. Though the history of their gods was a long one and not learned in a day. He would do his best to explain it as well as he could.

He understood that she needed to think about his offer. Once again something he said without thinking. Maybe because it was important in a way but nothing to think about very fast. Also he didn’t believe it would be a problem if she did live on his farm. After all she could have a place of her own and live on her own. Just like she would in an own home without him. He would just be nearby like… a very friendly close by neighbour. He gave her a light nod agreeing to her question if she could think about it a bit longer. Soon adding that she might have to take him up on it. For some reason he did hope she did. Not only because it would indeed be better for the child. As far as he knew about parenting and children. But also because if she came to live with him. Even if it was just on his farm. It would mean she did trust him a little bit no? And that was what he wanted to prove. But then again she also could just do it because she had no other way out. Still Alvina seemed to be a trust worthy person who had been through a lot and he could not see any lie in those sweet blue eyes of hers.

He looked down at the sand when she spoke again. This time answering his question of what she knew about the gods. He had to say at first it had seem fun to teach her about their great gods. But now that he had had time to think about it. Well he wasn’t totally sure how to do it. After all they had learned about the gods through growing up. Many years of stories and tales. He wasn’t totally sure how to teach her. Only thing he really could do was explain which god stood for what and maybe tell the tales that he knew. Hoping that she would of course not grow bored of it. "I really don't know much, only small things. That there are more than one...that they all do different things...I had been told that because of how I was born and my parents, that the gods might now like me...but I don't even know if that is true." His eyes moved back to her as he watched a pink colour come on her cheeks. Making a very light smile appear on his lips. She did not know much at all. So there was a lot he would be able to tell her.

The smile turned into a frown though hearing that the gods might not like her because of her parents. And the question that followed did make him think before he answered. ”Because my mother was a Christian...does that mean I can't follow your gods?" It was a hard question to answer. Because he was not sure what the right answer was. He only could say what he thought. He watched her take out a blanket and his eyes showed some worry when she offered part of the blanket to him with shaky hands. Without thinking his hand moved to hers taking it as if to reassure her that she did not have to be nervous or fear him. He then moved a bit closer towards her and placed the blanket over his lap. He looked into her eyes before letting out a breath and soon his eyes trailed up towards the sky. ”I do not believe the gods would blame you for your mother’s mistake.” He looked back at her, looking quite serious about the matter as he knew it was nothing to laugh with. ”It is not your fault that your mother worshiped a false god.” He did not believe the gods would blame or punish someone for an other’s mistake. ”You are not your mother, and make your own choices. And it will be the choices you make that the gods will judge you on.”

After he had said those words he smiled again all seriousness from just a second ago disappeared. ”You’re willing to learn about the gods, you’re willing to believe and I think the gods will be joyful over that. After all unlike your mother you’re seeing the truth and will not worship a false god.” And how could the gods not be joyful to have a maiden like her worship them? He gave her another smile. ”You have nothing to worry about.”

The fair lady next to him seemed happy with the words he had given her. Though he could not say if they were the truth or not. After all Vern himself believed that different truths came from different people, especially regarding the ways of their gods. He could not say if he was right or not. He had only said whet he thought was right. But even if it wasn’t completely right who would tell but the gods himself and he was glad with the answer he had given as Alvina seemed to get a certain glow around her. A happy one, just a little sparkle in her eyes as she thanked him. It made his heart lift with a little bit of hope for his own. Seemed that his words had given the next step to freedom for them both. He watched her as she said that was something she wanted to hear whole her life and it painted a very light smile on his own lips to see the hope in her eyes. But it also kind of made him excited somewhere, it made his heart beat just a little bit faster to see such life come out of her. It was something he had not seen before from her and well he had to admit he enjoyed the sight of it. Maybe because it kind of reminded him of himself when he got excited for something.

It was then that something happened that he did not quite expect. She moved in from the side, her arms going around him in a side way’s hugs. It made his breath get stuck in his throat and for a moment he tensed up. One he wasn’t used at being touched like this anymore, second he really had not seen it coming. But he soon relaxed feeling how soft it was. How careful she seemed to be and even though he could not turn to her and hug her back, as he probably… or might have tried even if it would have been an awkward one. He gave her a smile in return for it as he listened to her words once more. "I remember begging to be allowed to pray to the gods as a little girl, it’s nice to know that I can and they want me to...that they wanted it my whole life." She then let him go and the warmth she had given started to fade as a soft wind blew by. But the warmth she had created inside of him stayed. He smiled and let out a breath after her words. "Tell me more, I want to learn everything." She moved closer to him as well and a bit of the warmth returned as their arms were now touching. He met her eyes and smiled. Before he thought about where he should start.

”Let’s see.” Maybe he should just start with the start. He smiled and turned a bit to her. ”Let me start with the creation of all this.” After all to understand the gods, they needed to know where they came from. Where all this came from no? Because without the base you were nothing and faith would soon fall down into disaster. He took a breath before he looked at the ocean and started to speak. His voice was a bit lower than before, but smooth and a certain excitement was laying beneath the seriousness of his words. ”Before there was soil, or sky, or any green thing, there was only the gaping abyss of Ginnungagap. This chaos of perfect silence and darkness lay between the homeland of elemental fire, Muspelheim, and the homeland of elemental ice, Niflheim. “ he started off.

It was one of his favourite stories so he did remember every word very well. ” Frost from Niflheim and billowing flames from Muspelheim crept toward each other until they met in Ginnungagap. Amid the hissing and sputtering, the fire melted the ice, and the drops formed themselves into Ymir, the first of the godlike giants. Ymir was a hermaphrodite and could reproduce asexually; when he sweated, more giants were born.” He remembered the day in the mountains, covered in snow. The day he could have sworn that he had seen a giant himself, a leaping shadow. Even if it had just been a dream it was stuck in his memory for eternity.

” As the frost continued to melt, a cow, Audhumbla, emerged from it. She nourished Ymir with her milk, and she, in turn, was nourished by salt-licks in the ice. Her licks slowly uncovered Buri, the first of the Aesir tribe of gods. Buri had a son named Bor, who married Bestla, the daughter of the giant Bolthorn. The half-god, half-giant children of Bor and Bestla were Odin, who became the chief of the Aesir gods, our gods, and his two brothers, Vili and Ve.” He continued peaking back at her to see if she still held that same sparkle in her eyes. After all he didn’t want to bore her with these stories. He himself would probably feel insulted if she did not like them. For he loved such stories.

”Odin and his brothers slew Ymir and set about constructing the world from his corpse. They fashioned the oceans from his blood, the soil from his skin and muscles, vegetation from his hair, clouds from his brains, and the sky from his skull. Four dwarves, corresponding to the four cardinal points, held Ymir’s skull aloft above the earth.

The gods eventually formed the first man and woman, Ask and Embla, from two tree trunks, and built a fence around their dwelling-place, Midgard, to protect them from the giants.” He smiled and turned back to her as he chuckled. ”And this is how everything came to be, we came to be.” Humans were created by the gods, such they could call themselves the children of the gods. Even if most people probably had long forgotten this fact. He still found it fascinating.