Alone with memories -Aleinn

Sofie had been having an interesting day so far. She had gotten up and gone training with the other Frú women like she did any other day, but her game had been off. She had been defeated in the mock battle fairly easily. Which had pissed her off, and made her aim even worse then it had been before. It got to the point that The shield maiden who had been helping then told Sofie to take the rest of the day off and come back tomorrow with a clear mind. So Sofie had gotten more angry and stormed home. She had changed into different clothes and bathed half heartedly before leaving the house, pushing one of her sisters, she didn't even look who, out of the way. She hadn't meant to be so off today, or to be so angry. She had just had a bad dream that had carried over into the day.

It had been a dream about her father,they had been working on a boat together. He had been trying to teach her something new when all of a sudden the dream had changed. They were now in a battle field surrounded by men and fighting. She tired to help him fight, to protect him, but in her dream she watched him die right before her eyes. It had been horrible and she had woken up with a gasp before she forced herself to get ready and out of the house. Before one of her sisters tried to make her speak about it. They would only look at her like she was weak, with concern. Sofie didn't want that. She needed to be strong for her family, for her father. That was why she had decided to become a shield maiden in the first place. To be able to fight and protect her family.

Sofie found herself in a field of flowers, they weren't going to be around very much longer. Not with the way the weather was changing. However this was always one of her favorite places to be. She would come here or other fields when she was upset. As a way to calm down and relax. Her father would bring her here to help pick flowers to give to her mother when she was a child. So it helped her feel closer to him in a way as well. Taking a deep breath she simply laid down and looked at the sky."I miss you father" she said as she hoped the Gods would hear her and deliver her message to him.

Sofie had been in the field for a while now. Just laying there thinking about a lot of stuff. Mostly her father and how much she missed him. It and been five years, five long years and she was still not over it. Sofie was pretty sure she was never going to get over it. That it would be something that she would think about from time to time her whole life. She knew she was lucky in a lot of ways. She had gotten twelve years with him. He had been able to see her learn to do a lot of things. It was hard to think about that however when she thought about how he wouldn’t be there when she became a shield maiden for real. Or how he wouldn’t be there for her first raid to  tell her how proud of her he was when she came back and gave him riches, but at the same time if he was still alive Sofie wasn’t sure she would even be a Frú like she was at the moment. She had wanted to be a dressmaker like her mother, so maybe that’s what she would be doing instead of Visna being the one. Sofie really wasn’t sure about that anymore, because she loved fighting. She probably would have still figured that out and became a shield maiden anyways.

She was so lost in her many thoughts that she hasn’t heard someone coming towards her. Something  she was trained to do, to be aware of her own surroundings, and she hadn’t been paying attention at all. For if she had heard someone coming she wouldn’t have let the few tears that were falling down out. Sofie did not cry around people. It made her look weak and then people would ask questions too. Before she knew what was happening Sofie felt something hit knocking into one of her legs. Looking up from her place on the ground, she saw that it was a person and not a thing. A person that Sofie had very confusing feelings about at the moment, Aleinn. He looked embarrassed as she heard him tell her “I’m so sorry!” to her. Sofie felt her face heat up and turn red with his attention solely on her. She wasn’t quite use to her feelings, but she realized she had a crush on the boy in front of her. She thought he was very attractive, among other things too. “It’s okay! I..I am the one laying on the g..ground!” She told him as she sat up. “I..I..I am sure I was easy to miss” she makes sure to add in.

Her face went even more red at the sound of her stumbling over her words in front of him once more. He was going to start to think something was wrong with her if she didn’t cut that out now. That was the very last thing she wanted him to think about her, that she had something wrong with her. Taking a deep breath she calmed herself before speaking again. “Are you okay? You didn’t hurt yourself right?” She asked him, a smile slowly gracing her face as she looked at him. At least she had been able to talk normally that time. She realized her face was a little wet still from her tears from before and quickly reached up and wiped her face off. She knew he had to have seen her tears, and she would explain to him if he asked, but she hoped he wouldn’t. It would make things maybe awkward, and she didn’t want him to think bad things about her. Another thing that confused her about this. She always tried to not care to much about what people thought about her. Well besides them thinking she as beautiful anyways.

Sofie felt so embarrassed about the entire situation still when she heard him speak to her once more. "Are you okay?" he asked her first. She watched as his eyes looked her body over, making the blush on her face brighter. She knew he was checking her for injuries,but having him give her this much attention was making her feel so flustered. A feeling she had never experienced with any of the other men in the village, so it was all so new to her. She couldn't decided if she liked it or not yet too. "I should have been watching where I was going."Aleinn says before she can open her mouth to answer the first thing he said to her. Taking a deep breath to clam herself, and to hopefully keep from stumbling over her words Sofie answers"I'm okay." she says first. Very proud of herself for not messing up that time. Maybe she could talk to this boy yet, if she could just keep her heart calm and the nerves away.Something that appeared to be pretty hard. If she was always going to feel this way around him, maybe she would avoid him until she could control it better, and really understood why she felt this way."How about we both take fault. I wasn't paying attention as w..well." she said next to him. Cursing herself in her mind for fucking up on the last word. At least the longer she talked to him and the more she breathed she was starting to calm down and feel more at ease.

She is very glad when she hears him tell her "I'm fine." when she asks him if he is okay. She would feel so badly if he hurt himself on her leg or anything like that."Good, I'm glad you are okay." Sofie tells him, and again she is proud of herself for not messing up and soundly like an idiot to him. "Why are you out here?" she heard Aleinn ask next and she bit her lip for a moment. She wants to tell him why she is out here, and she knows she will, but it confuses her all the same. She came out her to be left alone, to keep one of her sisters from bugging her in the first place. However Aleinn asks her why she is here and she feels almost compelled to tell him everything. She decided she was going to have to talk to her sister Tora or Visna about this. Freyja might just make her feel weirder, and tell her to leave her apprentice alone. Thats not what she needed, she needed someone to help her understand, or maybe just accept what was going on. For she was not stupid, and she was pretty sure in the back of her mind she knew why she was feeling this way.

Aleinn then does something that surprises her, he takes a seat right next to her on the ground. She thinks its really kind, because if he was sitting he truly did care why she was out here and wasn't just asking to be polite. She felt her face getting red once more, but she kept herself breathing deep to keep from getting to nervous. "I miss my father." she says to him first and she puts her arms around her legs."I had a nightmare about him last night...I watched him die, and there was noting I could do about it.." she says next as she kind of just stairs in front of her at the flowers all around them."It had felt so real to me, and its been bugging me all day" she says to him next before turning her head to look at him."We use to come here together when I was younger, so I still do when I think about him"Sofie tells him next as a tear escapes her eyes."Sorry." she say next as she rans a hand over her eyes for a moment.Sofie didn't want to make Aleinn regret talking to her like he was right now. For some reason telling him that made her feel a lot better, but she was annoyed that a few tears had come out. She was sure he didn't want to deal with an emotional girl.

"What about you...why are you out here?" she asks him. She notices she has messed up on her words for a bit, and that makes the fact that she had cried a bit in front of him a little bit better. At least she was wasn't stumbling on all her words and crying, she would just die of embarrassment if that had been the case.

A small smile made its way onto Sofie's face when she heard him say "Seems fair." to her saying that they both just take the blame."Yes, very fair" she told him. Sofie was glad, she didn't want him to blame himself. They were in a field of flowers, and she was laying down. It would have been very easy to miss her just laying there. Plus she knew she should have been listening to what was going on around her. As a person who wants to be able to go raiding someday, she needs to be able to watch,and hear everything going on around her. She just was too out of it today. Every time she closed her eyes it was like she saw the flashes of the dream in her mind. It was just too real to her, and she hoped that he died less violently in real life. Seeing as they had know idea how he died, just that he died out on a raid with the vikings. Sofie was just glad the Aleinn didn't get hurt because she was laying here in her own little world. She would have felt horribly if he had been.

Aleinn asked her why she was out here, and for some reason she just told him everything, and even cried a little bit in front of him. Something she hardly did in front of any of her family members. This man made her feel so strange. She felt so nervous and confused, so much that she messed up her words and her heart rate went up just thinking about him. She also felt safe, like she could trust him to be herself around him. That she could be comfortable around him. It was strange because she had only spoken to him a few times in her whole life, and until the last time, and this time she had not felt that way before. Sofie told him she was sorry for crying in front of him, and for making the situation weird. Aleinn, the sweet boy he was showing her he was,told her "Don't be sorry." about her feelings and tears. It was really kind of him to say. "It's okay." Aleinn said to her next and Sofie nodded her head in thanks to him, before she saw him reaching his hand out toward her.

He patted her hand twice, in what Sofie was sure a way to try and comfort her before he pulled his hand away from her. Sofie was sure her face was bright red again, if it ever stopped being red around him anyways. He had just touched her hand, and for some reason she felt like her heart sped up just a bit. This was it, she knew she finally had to admit it to herself. She likes this man, and as more then a friend. She found him so attractive,hard working, kind, and a few other things as well. She was pretty sure she hadn't felt like this about any other man before too. Sure she thought other men were attractive as well, but there was just something different about Aleinn in her eyes. For some reason him touching her, and trying to help her feel better helped her stop playing dumb. To accept what she had known the moment she saw him with her sister on the docks.She really needed to talk to Tora about this later. She was the only one of her sisters she knew would listen and not give her crap in return. Freyja would tell her to leave him alone, Rúna would just tell her to tell Aleinn, an Visna might tease her, she wasn't sure about that sister sometimes."Thank you Aleinn..I..thank you." she said to him in return.She had almost went to say more, but knew better of it. She would get to know him more, if he would let her first.

Sofie had asked him why he was out there to be polite and change the subject to him and off herself. "My dad is well you know. I was going to the watch the fishermen come in and see if his boat might be there. Kind of stupid." was what he told her and Sofie's heart hurt for him almost automatically. "No!! It's not stupid." Sofie made sure to tell him quickly. She didn't think it was stupid at all. She had spent a good few years hoping her father would just show up as well, so she could understand why. He had lost so much in his life, his mother, his sister, and then his father went missing. If she had been in his shoes she was sure she would do the same thing. His fathers boat had never been found, so maybe, just maybe he was out there somewhere. "It's really not stupid...I would do the same thing I think...I'll come with you if you want...Don't feel like you have to say yes though" she told him next. She wanted to go with him for some reason. So that if his father wasn't there, and sadly she didn't think he would be, but at least Aleinn wouldn't be alone. It must be hard to go down there like that and do it alone, it made Sofie wonder where Henrik was, and why he didn't go with his brother if this was something Aleinn did often. "B..but if you want to company..I'm glad to come...you listened to me and let me cry in front of you after all" she made sure to add in at the end. Part of her hoped he would let her come, but she would understand if said no.

Sofie smiled at him when she heard him say . "No problem." like it was no big deal at all. To him it might not be, but to her it really was. It had helped her come to terms with things in a way, and it also helped her feel a bit better. Besides she cried in from of him and he didn't leave or make things worse by making fun of her like one of her sisters might do. So to him it was no problem, to her it was very kind of him as a man that didn't know her that well at all. Him touching her hand too, that helped her realize that she liked him too. Yes the thought had been in the back of her mind the entire time, but she had been able to ignore it, or at least play dumb to herself. Now when she looked at him she knew,it was in the front of her mind and there was no ignoring it now. Sofie had never liked anyone this way before, other then simply thinking that they were attractive. With Aleinn it was different.Sure she liked looking at him. His hair, eyes, smile, everything pretty much. However the more they spoke and the less she felt nervous, the more started to like his personality too. What she was learning about him anyways. He was quite, like his brother Henrik. Aleinn was nice too, clearly as he just let her spill her guts to him and cry. She looked forward to getting to know him more.

Then he brought up his father and going to look for his boat, saying it was stupid. Sofie of course made sure to tell him that it wasn't and even offered to go with him if he really wanted her to go. He looked shocked at her words at first, she could see it on his face. "Thanks," he said to her first and she smiled at him nodding. She could see that he felt awkward and uncomfortable, and it made her want to make him not feel that way. She wanted him to feel like he could trust her like she felt she could trust him. Sure that would take a long time, and she had no idea why liking him made her feel the trust she felt for him. Nonetheless, Sofie wanted for Aleinn to feel that way around her too. He was already on her no prank list, maybe she would add his brother too. So he saw the he didn't have to worry about her pulling anything one his family, the little one he had left. She wondered what that was like, to just be him and his brother. It had to be hard, but she would never ask until they knew one another better. That would be rude, and she was sure he didn't want to talk about that kind of stuff to her.

Aleinn spoke again "You can if you want. Don't feel like you have to." telling her that she could come. She was glad. Because she really did want to go with him, so he wouldn't be alone in that situation. Sofie remembered going to the docks and waiting for her dad, or looking for him around the village for a while. Sometimes she still will peek around the building area of the docks, but not as much anymore. She knew that he was dead, and that he was never coming back. Even if there were days that she would beg the gods to give him back to her and her family. "It's really up to you." Aleinn added in next. She smiled and nodded her head again. At least while she was keeping quite she wasn't making a fool of herself. "Then I shall come." Sofie told him with a smile. It would give them longer to talk and get to know one another too. Something she now wanted to do with him. So she could see if she was going to keep liking him more, or if her feelings were going to change as time went on.

Sofie bit her lip at what he said last however. "It's really fine that you cried in front of me. I don't mind." he told her and she just liked him more. He was very sweet, for a man she was just getting to know. "I thank you for it all the same...if it had been one of my sisters they would have made fun of me or made me talk about things more." she told him first before looking to her feet. "I don't really cry that often, or in front of people, I don't like to show those emotions often. So it was just nice the way you handled it...Not sure why I told you that..." Sofie added before scratching the back of her head a bit and looking at him."We can start heading down to the docks now, so we see all the boats come in." she said lastly. To change the subject off of herself and onto what she offered to do with him. To go and look for his father, she was sure it was hard to do it alone every time they came back. So if this was a thing he always did, maybe she would make it a habit to come with. If he wanted her there anyways.

Sofie was pretty surprised with herself for just telling him this kind of information. She didn't even talk to her sisters about this kind of thing, but here she was, telling him she doesn't do emotions and rambling on like an idiot. However at least she wasn't stumbling all over her words anymore, she guessed rambling on and on was better than that in a way. At least he wouldn't think there was something wrong with her? Well, she had given him plenty of reasons to think there was still something wrong with her actually, but maybe if the Gods were on her side, he wouldn't think she was too weird or anything like that. "You're welcome." Aleinn told her once more after Sofie thanked him again. He really was a sweet man, she was seeing that the more they talked right now together. She had seen it before, when she had brought Freyja her lunch, the same day her stupid sisters did the same thing and embarrassed her. She was just seeing it more, better in a way, in this one on one situation. Of Course it was just making her like him a little bit more. At least it was developing more from appearances and into actual things about him and his personality. She still didn't fully understand her feelings, but she realized she liked him now at least.

Aleinn says something next that throws her off just a little bit. "You can tell me anything. I won't tell anyone." he tells her, and Sofie thinks that is just the sweetest thing in the world. That they were just now starting to become friends in this way, and here he was telling her she can talk to him about things if she needed to. Plus that all the things she talked to him about were going to be safe with him. It was very kind, and she hadn't really had anyone like that other than her dad in a while. Sure Freyja maybe wouldn't tell people her secrets, but somehow when she talked to a sister about things, all the other sisters found out at some point with out a fail. So after a while she hardly talked to them about important stuff, and if she did she threatened them with pranks to keep it to themselves. It just was annoying that she had to even do that in the first place, her information should be safe with family. Nonetheless, here was Aleinn, offering her someone to talk to. Sofie smiled at him brightly"Thank you Aleinn, that is very sweet." she tells him first. "You can do the same with me, I promise I wont repeat anything you tell me!" Sofie says to him next.

He of course wouldn't know it for they don't know each other well, but she wouldn't break that promise to him. She tired to never break promises unless she had to do so. A promise was similar to swearing in her eyes. Sofie does her best to change the subject to them going down to see the boats, so things wont get even more awkward, and she wont say anything else embarrassing to him. Plus she would feel horrible if she talked to him too much and they missed the boats coming in, when she knew that was something he clearly really wanted to do. "Yes we can go." Aleinn tells her first, rather quickly after she tells him they can start going down now. "if you still want to." she hears him add next. Sofie just smiles at him and nods her head at him."Of course I still want to go silly." she tells him first, her smile growing bigger. "I wouldn't be going if I didn't want to go." she tells him next with a small laugh.

"I generally never do things if I don't want to do them, its a bad habit of mine." she says to him next and then shrugs before a light blush comes on her face. She was able to talk to him so freely, and sometimes without a thought. Sofie was sure this was something that was going to be embarrassing her a lot as time went on. "Besides, this is what friends are for right?" she decides to say to him next, even though she was pretty sure the more she got to know him, she was going to want a lot more then friendship from him. That would be something she would just keep bottled up. Sofie wasn't sure if she could tell him something like that anyways. One, because they were still getting to know each other and she could change her mind. Two, because she was not going to let herself get hurt, she was just starting to heal from her fathers death. Taking a deep breath, she pushed those thoughts away for now and made sure a smile was still on her face as she reached out her hand and gently grabbed onto his arm, linking her own through his.

"Lets go, you can tell me how working with my sister is while we walk if you want? I use to watch my father build before....so  I know a little bit about that stuff too."  she tells him a she starts to walk a bit, pulling him with her." I want to make sure she is being nice to you! Sofie adds next. A bright blush on her face from her bold actions, but she couldn't drop his arm now, that would be rude and weird. Sofie just hoped that he didn't mind, and that she wasn't making him uncomfortable. She really didn't want to make him feel weirdly just before they went to watch the boats, that wasn't going to help the situation at all.

Sofie feels a nice smile taking over her face when she hear him say "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind." to her after she tells him he can tell her anything too. She hopes that he takes that seriously, because she meant it to him. That she would be someone that he could talk to if he needed to, like he had done for her. Something she still thought was very kind of him. Seeing as they hadn't been talking for that long at all. Even if she guessed they had at least known who the other was their whole lives. Sofie wasn't sure how she looked him over before meeting him again on the docks. She surly saw him around the village before that, but she was glad that they had met better and were on speaking terms. It helped with the fact that she liked him, and was able to speak to him too. If she had a crush on him and couldn't even talk to him, that would be something rather hard to deal with. At least she stopped stumbling all over herself. She was feeling much more comfortable around him, and even safe. Sofie hoped that she would be able to keep getting to know him after today, and explore all theses new things and feeling better.

They kept talking a little, well she kept talking a lot and he would interject when he saw fit to do so. Not that she minded to much, she just hoped she was not being super annoying and he was just being a nice guy and out putting up with it. She wanted him to enjoy being around her, that would make her trying to get to know him a lot easier if he was enjoying her company. Aleinn finally asks her if she was sure she still wanted to go with him and she had explained that yes, she was sure and then she did something she was still very nervous about. She grabbed his arm and started to drag him away toward the docks. Sofie couldn't believe she did something so bold as to touch someone in this way, let alone a man that she was starting to like, without their persimmon. However she was very happy when Aleinn didn't even seem to mind. He just let her do it, and didn't say a word about it. Something that calmed her and made her a little nervous. At least he didn't pull away from her at all, but hopefully he wasn't just telling her do it to be nice. Sofie hoped that the reason he was letting her was the same reason she had touched him without even thinking. That he was starting to have feelings for her as well.

Aleinn answers her question about Freyja by saying "Freyja is plenty nice to me. Not to worry." to her. She smiles at him and nods her head."Good I am glad, if she is suddenly not nice please tell me. I'll take care of it!" she says with a smile. Thats good, if her sister was not nice to him they would have had to have some words together. Of course that would mean her having to tell Freyja that she had feeling for Aleinn, but that was a risk she was willing to take if it meant making sure she was being as wonderful to him as she could be. She didn't want Freyja to scare him away the way Hankon had scared the person who had tried to learn from him. "I'm grateful to her for letting me be her apprentice. She didn't have to say yes when I asked her. Freya told me that your dad was a ship builder."   she hears him say next and she smiles more. "Well I am glad she said yes to you, from what I understand you are a hard worker and you are a fast learner.You will be a great boat builder I am sure." she says to him as they walk along.

Taking a deep breath she decides to go on, to talk more so there isn't awkward silence. "He was one of the best, our dads. So working with Freyja will help you be one of the best too. She may be hard on you sometimes, or talk too much...but she means well." she says to him next before deciding to be a little more brave and say something else she is thinking. "Besides, her taking you as her apprentice is how we met more officially and became friends like we are now, so I'm grateful for that too." she says looking over to him with a light blush. She just hoped he didn't think she was weird for saying something like that. As they walked the docks where the fishermen were coming closer and closer into view. She was glad she was going to be here, she was sure she thought that thought a million times, but she was. It would be hard to come here every time by himself, and then his father wasn't there. "So....what do you like to do in your free time....when you aren't with my sister or at home?" she decides to ask him next, to keep the conversation going and to secretly learn more about him. the more she could learn the more she would be able to figure out her feelings.