Everything has changed [Tóra]

Things had become… complicated for Freyja recently. One of her sisters had become quite a nuisance, and while this wasn’t exactly new behavior for Sofie, the topic she seemed fixated on was whether or not Freyja had feelings for one of her friends. The blonde had immediately dismissed it as Sofie creating trouble because she was bored, brushed it off as nonsense, and moved on with her day. Unfortunately, she was no longer quite so certain it was nonsense after all.

In an attempt to prank her troublesome sibling, Freyja and Hakon, the friend she most definitely did not have more-than-friendly feelings for, had pretended to flirt with each other after Sofie locked them in a room together, in an attempt to prank her right back for messing with them. Unfortunately, the plan seemed to have backfired on her. Freyja was no longer so certain her feelings for Hakon were strictly platonic. The ‘pretend’ flirting had felt so perfectly natural and despite Sofie’s irritating voice in her head, she was forced to face the fact that she might actually have feelings for him.

This was problematic for a number of reasons. First of all, if she really did have feelings for Hakon, she was going to need to tell him, and that could potentially ruin their relationship. But Freyja wasn’t the sort of person to sit around and wonder ‘what if?’ She was going to need an answer to that question, and sharpish. Second of all, the idea that Sofie had been right, and had seen something Freyja herself had been completely blind to was grating, to say the least. Third, Hakon, along with Sofie and a few of his friends, had gone to Kattegat, and while Freyja had been aware they’d been planning to travel to that village for a while now, she'd overheard someone recently joking around about how the point of the visit was ‘to find women’ and that was simply not sitting well with her.

She knew in the back of her mind that it was a joke, and normally she’d have laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of such an idea. But the moment she’d heard it, she’d simply reacted, and she’d felt like shit because her immediate thought process had been: He clearly couldn’t have feelings for her, if he was travelling to another village for the purpose of ‘finding a woman’, right? And what was she going to do if he found a woman in Kattegat? Could she be happy for him? Could she keep this new development to herself, rather than risk their friendship, or his new relationship? Probably not, she decided immediately. In fact, she rather wanted to stab someone, just thinking about him strolling off a ship that she’d probably built, with his arm around someone else. By the time she acknowledged that it was all nonsense, she’d already come face to face with the fact that she definitely had feelings for him.

She desperately needed to talk about all of this to someone, but she wasn’t really sure who to go to. Obviously she couldn’t talk to Sofie about it, even if she was still in Skagen. The seventeen year old would likely spend more time gloating than listening, and Freyja still couldn’t stomach the idea of letting her sister know she’d been right all along, despite her loudly and repeatedly denying it. Rúna was far too much like Freyja to have any advice other than ‘tell him, and see what he says.’ Visna was a little too interested in falling in love and getting married to be trusted with an honest opinion on a matter like this, and her mother was in the process of planning her own wedding, and Freyja didn’t want to take up her time with this particular problem.

That left her youngest sister, Tóra. Tóra was fifteen, and hopefully not any more knowledgeable about men than Freyja herself was. But at the very least, Tóra could be trusted to keep this all a secret, and give her the best advice she could come up with, even if it wasn’t entirely helpful. And really, she just needed someone to vent to. Opinions were not really as important at the moment. So, one afternoon while Tóra was at the docks and practicing her carving, Freyja approached her. She took a few minutes to watching her sister at work, wondering if Tóra was actually enjoying it at all. Freyja wouldn’t care if she decided it wasn’t really for her, but she was glad she had the opportunity to see her more often.

“Hey Tóra, do you have a minute? I just need someone to talk to for a bit. Or rather, I need someone to listen, I guess? I don't know.” This was so uncomfortable. Tóra was fifteen, what kind of advice could she give her twenty-eight year old sister about relationships?

Watching as her sister set aside what she’d been working on, Freyja shook her head and rolled her eyes a bit when Tóra started patting the space beside her, but took the seat anyway. She still felt quite awkward about all of this, most of all seeking out Tóra of all people to talk to about it. Her mother probably would’ve been the better option, now that she was face to face with her youngest sister, but it was too late to take it back now. She’d probably hurt Tóra’s feelings, and she couldn’t have that. Plus, her mother really was busy, and then she’d also probably bump into Visna and she didn’t want that.

“Thanks,” she replied finally, smiling at her sister. “So…” she started, still trying to figure out how to even phrase what she wanted to say. Maybe she’d start slow. “What would you do if you realized something you probably should have realized like… years ago?” Freyja knew that wasn’t going to be specific enough for Tóra to actually offer any kind of advice, but still wasn’t entirely certain she was ready to come right out and say she had feelings for Hakon. She tried to think of all the different ways she could phrase what she needed to without making it abundantly clear what she was trying to imply, but everything she came up with was either too obvious or too vague. This was ridiculous.

“Okay, forget that. Please don’t repeat this, especially to Sofie,” she paused for a moment before adding, “Or Visna either, I guess.” She sent Tóra a look, certain she’d understand Freyja’s hesitance when it came to sharing things with their sisters. “I may, possibly have made a discovery recently. About a person that I may, possibly have more than friendly feelings for.” As soon as she said it, Freyja knew the list of people she could be talking about was pretty short. Sure, she didn’t really have any female friends, but the list of male friends was also relatively short. Maybe five people? If she was being very generous?

“And I don’t know what to do. Obviously I should tell him? Right? That seems like the logical option?” But while she knew that, she couldn’t help but think it was also the scariest option. What if she messed everything up? They’d literally sat in that damn closet together for nearly an hour and had a discussion about how ridiculous Sofie was for even thinking they could have feelings for each other. They’d made a joke out of it. How was she now supposed to turn around and tell him she’d been wrong? She’d be risking their entire relationship if she told him and he started to feel awkward and uncomfortable around her.

“Consider this: What if I didn’t tell him? What if we just kept being friends and I was okay with that?” She wouldn’t be okay with that, Freyja knew it as soon as she said it. “What would you do?” Immediately she turned back to look at Tóra, and sent her a sympathetic look. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you that. I know this is probably awkward for you.” She really needed to make some more friends her own age. Preferably ones who were not also friends with Hakon.

Obviously Freyja trusted Tóra to keep her secret, or she wouldn’t have come to talk to her in the first place, but actually hearing her sister say she won’t mention anything to the rest of their sisters does help her relax just a bit. After all the meddling Sofie had done, and all of Freyja’s adamant insistence that Sofie was wrong, it was going to take her quite a while to get around to telling Sofie she’d been right all along. Just the thought of it had her growing irritated.

Tóra giggled at her idea about just not saying anything at all and while Freyja had known as soon as she’d said the words that that would never be a solution she was comfortable with, she raised an eyebrow at her sister. Sending her a look that she’d hopefully read as ‘I’m glad this is fun for you,’ Freyja had to admit, Tóra had a point. Not telling him would never be a real option for her. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m just… nervous. It’s not a feeling I’ve had a ton of experience with. My stomach kind of… hurts? I don’t like it.”

She was torn when Tóra said ‘what if he feels the same’ because she couldn’t imagine that was very likely. But she was trying to be optimistic and nodded at her sister. “I would rather know for sure. I just don’t want to make things awkward or uncomfortable between us?” Because what was the point of telling him about her feelings if it meant losing him because of it? But Freyja knew herself a bit too well for that. She wouldn’t last a week without eventually blurting it out.

Raising another eyebrow at Tóra, Freyja shook her head at her. “You’re plenty brave. Just because you don’t want to spend your life fighting doesn’t mean you’re not brave. You wanted to help with Sofie?” Trying to take a moment to break away from this incredibly awkward topic, Freyja turned to inspect Tóra’s carving. “How are you feeling about it?” she asked, nodding towards what she’d just been working on. Tóra wasn’t exactly great at hiding her feelings, and Freyja didn’t want her to stick with it just because she thought she might be upset if she gave up. It certainly wasn’t a hobby for everyone.

They chatted about carving for a few moments, and Freyja used that time to think. Without taking her eyes off the carvings Tóra had done, she blurted out, “It’s Hakon, by the way. I imagine you’d figure it out soon enough, if you haven’t already. And that’s why you can’t tell Sofie.” Of course, if things worked out the way she wanted them to, Sofie would find out sooner or later, but she’d deal with that problem when it came.

While Freyja hadn’t exactly been expecting much in the way of actual help or advice from Tora, she discovered she hadn’t been giving her sister enough credit. Everything the fifteen-year-old was saying was accurate, and Freyja knew it, and it made her feel even more ridiculous than she previously had. But, she needed to get over that, and quickly, it seemed. “I think you may know me too well,” Freyja answered with a reluctant smile. Because she most definitely would start acting differently around Hakon. She wasn’t Sofie; She was no good at deception. She’d likely give herself away fairly quickly. "You're right, obviously. I need to just tell him. It sounds so simple, doesn't it?" she added, shrugging a little.

She really hated this uncertainty that she was feeling. It wasn’t something she was accustomed to and she wanted it to stop immediately. Freyja knew Tóra’s advice was sound, and would be the easiest way to approach the whole thing. But it was very different, talking about telling him, versus actually having a face to face conversation with him about this.

Her attempt to change the subject worked it seemed, as they turned towards Tóra’s handiwork. “Well, you’ve only just started,” Freyja answered, not wanting to discourage her if she was enjoying it but thought she should’ve been better at it already. But when she mentioned learning about herbs and healing, Freyja grinned at her. “Are you enjoying it? I think you’d be good at that. I’ll ask around if you want? See if anyone knows any healers in the area?” Freyja couldn’t recall any healers in the village for at least a few years now, other than Ylva, who was also self-taught, and currently missing. But if that’s what her sister wanted to do, Freyja was going to help if she could. “If you don’t like to carve, you don’t have to keep going,” she added with a smile. It certainly wasn’t for everyone.

After she admitted to Tóra that it was Hakon she had feelings for, Freyja couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “I know. She’s going to be insufferable. If she finds out. Or if...” She didn't need to finish the thought, she assumed. Though, she had to admit, Sofie had claimed she was just trying to help, so maybe she wouldn’t be too bad, but Freyja wasn’t going to hold her breath. Sofie rather liked being right.

At her sister’s next question, she had to think for a moment. “A bit? It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be, I guess. But then…” she trailed off, not wanting to admit that being jealous over something ridiculous was what had finally really tipped her off. It didn’t make sense, at this point. Clearly Tóra was now fully aware that Freyja wasn’t the perpetually confident person she wanted people to believe she was. “He left for Kattegat, and I let my mind wander, and it… became pretty obvious. Sofie doesn’t get all the credit.” She shot Tóra a smirk. “But no, I’m not going to tell her it helped. She’s never going to let it go as it is.”